Today is my 4 months and how it went so fast. We have probably been through more than what me and cameorn went through during our first six months together.
The celebration began on friday night- the night before our anniversary. We were talking on the fone as he waited outside my house patiently waiting for my rents to sleep. Then we started having an argument about abortion. Not going into details but we were at each other's throats and i wouldnt let it go. But as soon as we saw each other, the tense atomsphere fizzeled.
The drama didnt stop there. After some fondling and kissing we settled down. Then I was watching something on his phone then calls me a bitch under his breath then a drop his fone on his chest and i didnt intend for it to hit hard but it did. Then i tried hugging him, touching him but he insistedly told me to fuck off. I climbed on top of him and he pushed me roughly to the side. I was cut so deep. I turned to my side and then curled up within my arms. Deeply breathing - trying not to cry.
Then he started stroking my hair and massaging the back of my head with his finger tips. The feeling just made me want to cry more. Then he placed his soft warm hands against my shoulder and tried to turn me around but i refused. Then he finally pulled me close and looked right at me. Gave me a hug and lighly placed his fingertips under my chin turning my head towards his - eye to eye. "What's a matter baby?" he said sotly- his voice so soothing. He wiped my cheeks in case there were any tears but i pormised him i would never cry in front of him. Then he kissed my softly. And i lay there on his chest just admiring his face as he sang along to random songs on his fone.
Later on that night i gave him a whole body massage as he was killing from a long week of work and he had just come back from a basketball game that really put him in the shits when he arrived. He was really pissed off. This was the only time i was in control where i could be the older one as he lay relaxing on his back as a trailed my fingers along his biceps. I told him to relax and he untensed and feel into sleep.
This is an example of me trusting my heart with him. I can be heartbroken by actions that he does caused by my me starting it off anyway but then i can be healed within moments of his touch. I dont think he realises how much he means to me but i never stop showing how much i care.
Later on that day i had my vaccination for swine flu - DW I DONT HAVE SWINE FLU, its just precautionary as im doing work experience in westmeand children's hopspital. I went to blacktown after and checked out the festival but soon got over it so i bummed around blacktown by myself as my mum rustled around the festival in search of free goods- SO FILO! I bought a few items that made my day like a huge bag and this "top". But then my brother finished tutoring and became restless and then it became contagious and i just wanted to go home and sleep. Finally got home and slept til church at 6pm. After church i went to Rooty Hill R.S.L and had some steak - yummers!
So my four months was filled with ups and downs. But i know other people have had their fair share of days like mine as well so im not complaining im just saying. "I trust you with my heart, the rest is up to you.." This line is truthful to all my relaitonships and expecially the oene i share with him. I dont expect him to love me as overwhelmingly as i do to him but that wont restrain me from expressing my love for him any less. Opening your heart can run the risk of being open to heartbreak but love is worth the risk. Cause in spite of all the downsides he has made me feel over the moon. And those moments we share together are just priceless.
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