I dont mean to be melodramatic and blow everything out of proportion but a girls got vent dosent she? What am i over? Im over the rollercoaster i share wiht my boyfriend. Im over crying myself to sleep every night for the past month and waking up with a huge head ache the next morning. Im over the complete paranoia that i hold while i constantly ponder the thought of "is he thinking about me?", "has he cheated on me?" and "when is it going to end?". Im over questioning myself every night WHY DO I LOVE YOU! Im over the need to hear his voice no matter how distasteful yet soothing it is. Im over my blind sight that seems to oversee all the flaws that are present in this broken relationship.
Im sick of all the bloody conversations we share on the fone when all we do is listen to the silence or the sound of his distant voice. Why is he still with me? Cause he apparently loves me? Then why is he constantly asking what would you do if i cheated on you? WTF does that mean. geez.. Yet still i hold on. He is just so sweet and just a man obviously good with words. Therefore leaving me in quite a pickle. I find myself detesting myself. Im sick of pitying myself and asking AM I SO HARD TO LOVE? Our love was so strong in the beginning had i given in to early? Had my choices lead to any early end? Within four days he said i love you. I knew it. I knew this would happen.
I said i didnt want to rush anything! Becuase if we did the end would come rushing at us and it is. Its like death you know its coming you just dont know when. It could be tommorrow, a week from now, months from now or even in my wildest dreams- years from now. Yet i hold on. I pulled myself in... I dug myself in with blind love. But how could i not love him. Here i am contradicting myself again.
Im sick of eating so much just to convince everyone that im not bulimic. Im sick of eating greasy foods then regretting it as i feel the vomit slowy squirm up my mouth. Im over the usual pig outs at mount druitt. Im over my bland hair and my plain face. Im over my forever bloated stomach and im over the latest gossip- im always last to hear whats going on anyway.
Im sick of over commiting myself to school and to multiple SRC's. Im sick of late nights and over planning and thinking. Im sick of winter and sleeping with a fever. Im sick of waking up early just to stay in bed to think about him. Im sick of constantly staring at the fone waiting for him to call. Im over my tummy aches when im too full or when im so hungry. Im over simplicity. Im over the drama of everyone elses life. Im over dreaming of a perfect future. Im over thinking up baby names with every guy that ever meant a shit to me.
What do i need? I need retail therapy and more bitchy teenage lovey dovey books to read to sleep to replace the tears that simply cease to constantly fall.
IM OVER ALL OF THIS SHIT! FUCK MY LIFE :)
girls don't like boys girls like cars and money.
ReplyDeletemm mm, retail therapy indeed.
may i suggest looking at it all from a different perspective? let's say, with your eyes closed? we're in need of serious insanity activities.
xxxx