Whole Body Massage

I seriously need a whole body massage. I truly believe that the reason for my lack of height it my heavy as school bag. I swear i have like 5 bottles of lotion, random lip balms, empty bottles of water and other random shit i dont rally need. Also my tendancy to move erratically it my sleep cause its so fricken cold has caused my immense lower back pain.

I ned a whole body massage. On my shoulder, down my back, my thighs and a seriosuly need a boob massage. Do they give those like professionally cause my boobs are killing me.

Any hoo i thought id just give a whine.

xx

Princess Lara & Peasant Joshua

Have you ever been so happy for a best friend that whenever he is around you just grin so large your head starts pounding like crazy and your blood wooshes around your head you feel dizzy. My best mate JOSHUA YUN aka peasant has found a new love as you have probably seen in all his blog entries. But i couldnt be happier. Even though im his best friend i cant help but look and him and lara and smile like a proud mother its so embarassing not only for josh but also for me.

I really am so proud of him that he was able to get over the one person that caused him so much grief in his life. Now he can stop asking me whats the meaning of life? For now i truly believe that he has found his driving force. (8) aint no stopping him now LOL

Now he can share moments deeper than a friendship. He can be brighten by his new love. I have never been more excited and thrilled and disapointed on the road his life now entails. Excited and thrilled for him and lara but disapointed in the friendship that will soon cease to be as strong as it has been for me and him.

But i love him and lara all the same. No matter how much as i feel like a third wheel with them. I wish the both of them the best and toast for them to share endless happiness cause i know that they are just made for each other.

The simplicity of what was a complicated life is now over. This relationship is a beginning, may they cherish what they have and enjoy what is coming.

I LOVE YOU PRINCESS LARA & PEASANT JOSHUA!

He's my Mr. Right

Have you ever had a person that warms you with a simple touch. A person that is perfection in your eyes even though everyone else can see his little flaws. Have you ever needed someone so much it hurts. Have you ever loved someone so much you get wrinkles from smiling so much? Well i have!!

DOUGLAS GEORGE WALSH <3>

I love it when he kisses me on the neck when im pretending to be mad. I love it when he looks at me with those puppy dog eyes and I practically melt. I love it when he massages the back of my head so smoothly its soothing. I love how he is so witty and says I LOVE YOU! When i least expect it.

I miss him so much. Day in and day out. But the moments we share together are truly priceless i wouldnt trade them for the world. I wish that i could spend every waking moment with him. Unfortunatly if i spent all my time with him i wouldnt get any sleep cause his SEXY ASS BODY would be too irristable to stop looking at. But if i do fall asleep out of exhaustion i can be assured my dreams will be filled with his perfection.

Finally i have found my Mr. Right after encountering so many Mr. Wrongs. He is perfection to me no matter how much he objects. I love him inside and out. My love wil never end nor will it diminish. So Mr. Right .. i hope you never leave my sight..

<3

A precious love

I love him from the deep within my heart i do! Unmeasurable, indescribable and undiminshable is how i feel for him. Do you know why i over think so much. Why i have a huge paranoia. Why i spend nights crying at night over one person. Because i love him and i couldnt bear even the thought of loosing him.

I look back on the days when our love was so strong and sigh. It seemed so different back then. But although the situation has changed time and time again my love for him is still flowing through me just as strong.

I can still look into his eyes and feel like im going to melt. I can still hold his hand and feel like im the most special girl in the world. I can still kiss him and have tingles through my skin. He means the world to me. He is a huge part of my life. I trust him. I miss him. I commit to him. I need him and most importantly i love him.

I dont know if he is still low on public affection. But if he would let me i would embrace and never let go. I would hold his hands and not faulter. I would look at him and nobody else. Because even in a world with so many people he is the only one that matters.

I love him no matter what situation we are in. And i should now better than to doubt his love for me, his commitment to me. From today no more crying to sleep. No more sleepless nights. No more lost appetite. I have to be perfect for him. Maybe he will hold on if i am.

NOW I HAVE A HEAD ACHE FROM OVER THINKING TOO MUCH.

NB TO SELF: SLEEP EARLIER GIRL!

A painful love

He is my world but i don't think he realises how big the world is!
The rollercoaster never ends with this guy now does it? Two nights ago i meant to right a blog but my net stuffed up. Two nights ago i questioned to myself how many times does a heart have to break before it finally gives up beating?

Ive been through thick and thin with this guy but still i hold on. Why is it that he can make me feel like shit but with the simpliest "hello beautiful" he can leave me begging for more. Does he know how good he is? He probably does. I seriously believe that he has broken my heart. Time and time again but now i realise you cannot go through life without being willing to forgive.

Love vs commitment. Did you know that they are different things? Cause you can love anyone but commitment is an action to whom you give to someone you love. I have my commitment to him. Yet he does not to me. This is where forgiveness comes in. This past month have been the worst so far in my whole 15 years of life- i know not a lot of life but ive been through enough that i can see myself slowly age. I stare blankly at the mirror seeing my tear ducts give in and the black circles increase in size in the hollows of my eyes.

I stare at a stranger who used to be as beautiful as she thought she was. But now she is slowly fading away. My beauty seems to be dimishing and maybe thats due to the lack of love present within.

He keeps telling me that i should leave. That any guy would be lucky to have me. But ive heard all this shit before why doesnt he just leave me? Cause i want to hold on for as long as i can. Breaking up will never hurt cause we have practically broken up a million times. I reckon the last straw for me will be the day he finally says I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE...

That will be the end for me. For once in my life i gave everything into a relationship. If only he knew how much a sacrificed for him. How much more i would give up for him. I know he has had a rough life and i dont want to contribute to his pain. Thats why when we fight i give in. Thats why i end up in situations that only benefit him. I dont know why he still pulls me on the string.

Cant he get it through he's thick head that i only WANT HIM! I dont want anyone else. NO ONE could replace him but obviously i can be replaced. If he does love me then why doesnt he just stay with me? Why does he have to put our relationship into a situation that leaves us open for liasons. To ease the heartbreak perhaps?

Dont worry about me. I trust him. More than i have trusted anyone with my heart. Too bad all this trust is all going to fall short. But ill hold on til the bitter end cause the pain is worth it. I love you DOUGLAS GEORGE WALSH. My whole heart i leave with you, there in your bear hands. You grip tight causing my heart pain but as long as im in your warmth i wouldnt have it any other way..

My unworthy heartbreak..

My heartbreak plays back in my mind

Knowing our incredible love is history
Remembering all the good times we shared
Why we ever gave up is a mystery



I remember it like it was yesterday
The moment out eyes first met
The chemistry, the connection, the spark
Who would of know it would all become my regret



Our memories soon turned into nightmares
They haunted me when i went to sleep
Your smile soon changed into anger
You and i had fallen to deep



Into the unknown waters if love
Feelings of hatred devoured my soul
And every time i reached for hope
Deeper and deeper i would fall



I felt as though i was bleeding
Pouring out all of my heart
For every time i tried to love you
You'd give an excuse for us to part



You liar, you cheat, you fool
Feeding me your artificial love
Giving me thoughts of love and care
As if i was your precious dove



Do you honestly think i believed?
Every sweet word that you spoke
All the 'i love you' and 'i need you'
It was all just a stupid joke



All of my tear filled pillows
Just suddenly began to dry
My heart, broken in pieces
Because i was living a lie



Then you had the nerve to say
That we're not meant to be
Me heart, you left to die
And made sure everyone could see

I tried to feel my heart beat
But the pain was too much to bear
Then i built up the courage
And found out it wasn't there


I wish i never met you
That our lives wern't intertwined
For every time i stuggled
You would just leave me behind

Did i ever mean anything to you?
Did you every just think of me?
It took me so long to realise
The devil! You were he


You were never worth the trouble
All my costly time wasted
The mere thought of loving you
Now leaves my devastated


I burnt all your pictures
Threw out all your letters
I've erased you from my life
And to think, i actually feel better


I'm finally freed from your heavy cjains
I am a bird that began to fly
My memories of you are long gone
Watch me fade away, as i say good bye...

NB: i wrote this poem like 2 years ago. But it means as much then as it does now. Me an my boyfriend are NOT broken up. I just like this poem.

I'm over this shit

I dont mean to be melodramatic and blow everything out of proportion but a girls got vent dosent she? What am i over? Im over the rollercoaster i share wiht my boyfriend. Im over crying myself to sleep every night for the past month and waking up with a huge head ache the next morning. Im over the complete paranoia that i hold while i constantly ponder the thought of "is he thinking about me?", "has he cheated on me?" and "when is it going to end?". Im over questioning myself every night WHY DO I LOVE YOU! Im over the need to hear his voice no matter how distasteful yet soothing it is. Im over my blind sight that seems to oversee all the flaws that are present in this broken relationship.

Im sick of all the bloody conversations we share on the fone when all we do is listen to the silence or the sound of his distant voice. Why is he still with me? Cause he apparently loves me? Then why is he constantly asking what would you do if i cheated on you? WTF does that mean. geez.. Yet still i hold on. He is just so sweet and just a man obviously good with words. Therefore leaving me in quite a pickle. I find myself detesting myself. Im sick of pitying myself and asking AM I SO HARD TO LOVE? Our love was so strong in the beginning had i given in to early? Had my choices lead to any early end? Within four days he said i love you. I knew it. I knew this would happen.

I said i didnt want to rush anything! Becuase if we did the end would come rushing at us and it is. Its like death you know its coming you just dont know when. It could be tommorrow, a week from now, months from now or even in my wildest dreams- years from now. Yet i hold on. I pulled myself in... I dug myself in with blind love. But how could i not love him. Here i am contradicting myself again.

Im sick of eating so much just to convince everyone that im not bulimic. Im sick of eating greasy foods then regretting it as i feel the vomit slowy squirm up my mouth. Im over the usual pig outs at mount druitt. Im over my bland hair and my plain face. Im over my forever bloated stomach and im over the latest gossip- im always last to hear whats going on anyway.

Im sick of over commiting myself to school and to multiple SRC's. Im sick of late nights and over planning and thinking. Im sick of winter and sleeping with a fever. Im sick of waking up early just to stay in bed to think about him. Im sick of constantly staring at the fone waiting for him to call. Im over my tummy aches when im too full or when im so hungry. Im over simplicity. Im over the drama of everyone elses life. Im over dreaming of a perfect future. Im over thinking up baby names with every guy that ever meant a shit to me.

What do i need? I need retail therapy and more bitchy teenage lovey dovey books to read to sleep to replace the tears that simply cease to constantly fall.

IM OVER ALL OF THIS SHIT! FUCK MY LIFE :)

JOSHUA YUN!

Today i finally read Josh's blog. Never knew how much i meant to him until now. His driving force = me? What a sweet heart <3>

Today josh said we have so many in jokes. And i never realised how many. Its so weird how we were designed to be best friends. That i can be as close as him as possible and trust him enough to not take advantage of me. I cherish that cause ive had my fair few experiences where guys have gone a little to far. But i cant help it if im too hot to handle. Anyways

In jokes with josh:

• Claude Monet pronouced "Claudeeeeeey mauneeeee"


• In sync


• My eye jokes against him


• His ever HOLY SHOES! - Alleluia, Praise the lord!!


• His sorry song to me- your beautiful to me...


• Hey honey ;)


• Hot mamma!


• Beautiful face - josh you look like a cabbage when you do it


• Random face touching!


• Sqeezing of your inner arm- i know its annoying


• HARD ankle massages


• Josh: your ugly. Gels: your beautiful. Josh: Your still ugly

THERE ARE MORE BUT I CANT LET EVERYONE KNOWING ME & HIS SECRET INS & OUTS

LOVE YOU LOTS JOSH :)