post break up syndrome

I think the biggest downfall in many people's lives is that they are so caught up on who dosen't love them anymore that they loose sight of who still and always will love them. I guess that's my downfall as I consume my thoughts with memories of me and doug and how different it may have been if we were still together but i guess that's post break up syndrome for you. It's so consuming and just as much a rollercoaster as it was when i was in a relationship. I can understand why people enjoy single life but i love being in a relationship to much to give single life a chance. What better feeling, what better situation then living life with someone that loves you as completley as you do towards them..

Im sorry sometimes...

I'm sorry sometimes for being so young that no matter how much i matured for you i would still be that stupid little child.

I'm sorry sometimes for that fact that im not as in shape as you are.. because we all know you go to all effort to look good for me (cough cough BULLSHIT).. Just cause im fucking chunky

I'm sorry sometimes that i take all your stupid little hurtful comments to heart but its sort of fucking hard when its all the time.

I'm sorry sometimes that i say i love you too much that it feels like your drowning but of course overwheming love is much worse then overwhelming hatred.

I'm sorry sometimes that im not as great and understnading as your ex joanne.

I'm sorry sometimes that my hickies give you unwanted attention.

I'm sorry sometimes that you have to be seen in public with me cause i know you feel ashamed of being seen with me.

I'm sorry sometimes for caring so much about you that my reminders just piss you off.

I'm sorry sometimes that i dont appreciate all you do for be cause your such a busy mann...

I'm sorry sometimes that we dont fight cause we've never had a huge real fight.

I'm sorry sometimes that im against abortion..

I'm sorry sometimes that i put so much fucking sugar in your coffee that your have a paranoia that im going to give you diabetes.

I'm sorry sometimes that i kiss you hard when im excited.

I'm sorry sometimes that i dont put enough make up on for you to notice.

I'm sorry sometimes that i dont own a genuine pair a lingerine.

I'm sorry sometimes that my back massages are cold.

I'm sorry sometimes that i walk so slow compared to you with your huge legs

I'm sorry sometimes that you were my number one priority in my life.

I'm sorry sometimes that i'm not even sorry at all...

Nicest way to be a bitch..

BITCHY i may be slightly but only because i dont know how to say FUCK YOU politley.

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing about something that happened yesterday.

You're the one that makes me waste time drawing all those stupid hearts.

The only thing a girl should chase is her dream.

The point is i love you but you DONT love me...

REPEAT- MORE LOVE THEN PAIN..HAVENT I LEARNT MY LESSON

Have you ever dumped a guy and thought we could still be friends? You would act and try to convince yourself that he is the same guy you fell in love with then you realise he is a real dick head and everytime you try to care or look out for him he blows up in your face and chucks your "friendship" in the bin and leaves it to die. You cant have a normal life together its like deep down inside you know your enemies. Like the phrase "you keep you friends close but your enemies closer". You try not to start a fight but its like everytime you see him you remember all the shit he put you through. All the plain you had to cope with and at the end of the day you realise there was more pain than love. That going out wasnt really worth it. You cant escape the fact that it happened and everyday you ask yourself why? You think for ages and realise you were just stupid and naive and looking for some fun. All the nights you spent crying yourself to sleep, all the changes you made just for him. You want to feel his love and know that he cares but you cant. When you look back you feel as though it was the best relationship you've ever had then you take a second glace and realise it was the WORST!!

So i wrote the majority of this after me and josh broke up which is years ago. And today i found an old diary that had a few little things to say about my relationship with josh and how i coped with the break up. And amazingly after so many years i have still yet to get the message. Cause i feel exactly what the last line states which is quite halarious. Its the irony of my life. Mistake after mistake. Except with the one with doug there was more at stake. Im going to formal with this guy and his paying. Not that only... lol but also the fact that my whole family has met him.. Now im not saying just my mum, dad and brother im talking about cousins, aunties and uncles. Have i ever met his dad, ever met his mum? I dont think so! I havent even been in his house. He hasnt give me that satisfaction. All ive seen is him in his birthday suit. WOO HOO!

Who gives a fuck honestly...

Tennis = SEX SOUNDS!!

I know i havent written a blog in ages so im making it up by writing up heaps. There has been a lot of topics on my mind. So here i go. On Sunday i plated tennis with my dad. And you know if you watch the tennis and the players grunt when they hit really hard. Well, on sunday i just realised that i sound exactly how i sound when im in the bedroom- if you know what i mean and that makes me very uncomfortable. Especially due to the fact that i was versusing my dad... MAJOR EWWW!

But yeah im throwing it up to all those people who play tennis. But i guess your opinion dosent relaly help- no offense since you guys probably have no idea about what you sound like when your in the bedroom. But anyhoo. It made me incredilbly uncomfortable and threw me of my game which was really gay.

I delight in my weakness

As i left the steaming shower i walked to my bedroom and let myself go. Naked i allowed my hair to implant a print on my sheets as the cold wind fiercely blew against my back. I curled into a ball and let all my insecurities arise. It is in this moment that i allowed my nightmares to meet me face to face.

This is my moments of weakness as i begin to recall and delight in the memory of a cool blade against my skin, the feeling of of bile form within my throat and the feeling of tears welling up just before i cry for the man i love. How could anyone possibly delight in this?

I delight it in cause it proves to me- i am weak. I need to have the reminder that i do need the people in my life. It helps me to cherish those and although its moments like this when i wish i was still emo, that i was still bulimic and well for the last one i do still cry over that damn guy so LOL.

But dont you just love that feeling as well...
When your so still once you come out of the shower that you can feel your body temperture change. The steaming red skin turns into goose bumps with the soft wift of air. Where in the silence all you can hear is your heart beat rapidly so it feels like there is a dent in your skin.

Im not going back to the old days some memories are not meant to be relived and maybe thats why i delight in such horrific memories. I make no sense i know.

<3

<3

When i laid eyes on you,
Baby now your my boo
Every night i dont sleep
The more my love is deep

Both our hearts are starting to mend
My love for you will never end
Baby you look so beautiful as you lay
Baby your love for me is as warm as a summers day

Girl you look and sound so smart
Girl you know no one will ever tear us apart
Baby i know will see each other soon
And girl we'll make love in your room

You'll want to say stop but you screaming for more
But your the only one that i love, care and adore
And i hope we'll never say its over its done
And i pray to God one day we'll marry and be one

But know were both on this journey of life
Baby girl i cant wait for the day to be able to call you my wife


- By Douglas George Walsh

<3

Baby every time we spend together,
Only wants me to be with you forever,
I know i might not talk as much and be shy
But its always hard to say good bye

Baby i love the way you feel the way you touch
I just cant get enough it makes me love you so much
Your all i could ever want your all for me,
When ever people ask who are you i say your my shorty

It feels like ive known you all your life were so deeply in love,
theres not one day i dont stop to thank the lord above
I know remember when you first caught my site
and now were having intimate conversations about everything all night

I just want to take you into a room so we can be all alone
cause girl you know i like it when your rough and when you moan
But baby you picked me up when i fell
And now i know whos my gaurdian angel


- By Douglas George Walsh

MUFTI DAYS

PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHAT NOT TO DO!


Mufti days are a very important part of highschool life. They reflect who you are and how you feel about yourself. Its not particularly what you wear (even though there were some very diasterous people this mufti day) its more about HOW you wear it. I understand that it was a very cold day for a mufti day but honestly ugg boots should stay home if you can. Teared jeans dont really suit really anorexic people and stay to warm and dark colours this season people!



POWER! That was how i themed my outfit for fridays mufti day. I had already decided on tight skinny jeans, a pair or cream heels and a singlet with my fake leather jacket - ahahah fake, sad i know but i make it work bitch:) But as per usual i changed my mind cause i usually plan my mufti day outfits at least 2 weeks before and thats minimum.



So on the morning of mufti day i went through three outfits til i finally found the perfect outfit. My PERFECT outfit consisted of a black halter dress well above the knees with black stockings, black POWER HEELS (but the powers mostly in the walk) and a long supposedly warm jacket..



And im proud to say i did look mighty fine in my outfit. Absolutley delish && you all know it.



MY OUTFIT WINNERS OF FRIDAYS MUFTI DAY INCLUDE:

• Janine Perez made her granny black flats work with her black skirt and stockings. This girl knew how to accesorise which gave her a double A plus for her outfit and her simplicity in range of colours was a total winner.


• Clarisse Salazar lookd absolutley divine in her new oxfords and her skimpy black dress and her real leather jacket. Her outfit was perfection too bad she couldnt hack her heels long enough to last the whole day but thats alright many girls cant.


• Chi-kay looked lovely with her denim skirt and yummy grey woolen top. The light brown button on her top really gave the outfit an extra something but she should remember to bring a jacket for her own sake tsk tsk chi-kay but you did look good.


• Princess of casual went to zooey smith who was really rocking her tight skinnnys and her yellow checkered jumper.


• Hannah Gaffney was Queen of simplicity with her peach top and jeans gosh the mix was really good. Hannah look hot effortlessly.


• Ellen Fitzgibbon the old skool win cause she mixed jeans up with a navy blue woolly jumper. It was fitting and not over sized - honey you looked warm :)


• John macaraeg was smoking when he was wearing faz's black leather jacket- it really suit. The only guy that got ten out of ten - GOOD ON YA!


• Adrian- absolutley loved the man to man t-shirt and you worked your black skinnys as well with your nikes. He got a 9/10 cause he made his hair poofy in maths and said he wouldnt get a mohawk grrr...


• Aasta Laurie- i didnt see her in roll call but a did get a glimpse of her in the corridor and she looked beautiful as per usual with her ranga hair flowing in gentle curls working what i think was a floral dress with a cardi. <3

MUFTI DAY SHOCKER GOES TO

• Just jun- wth was with that jacket there were other people as well but thats dogg so to everyone re evaluate and plan

HONERABLE MENTIONS

• Prine Sera looked so warm and lovely with her black shinny leggings from supre, her double upped jacket and her killer black boots and striped socks.


• Rashini with her black top that was really cute but lovely dont try to casualise it- ditch the shorts you could look so much hotter and i know you know it!

P.S Josh looked like a poof with his beanie....

REMINDER TO ALL - BLACK IS THE NEW RED!

xoxo